And yet, I will show you a still more excellent way...

This post is long overdue, but I can explain.

I typed out a week by week summary of my experience at camp, but that didn't seem to be what I needed to write. So I erased it all and started over. Then I tried to just write on the highlights of the summer, but somehow, that wasn't what the Lord wanted. Then, I wrote a post that I can't even remember and clicked on my edit page a couple of minutes ago to put the final touches on it, and my computer crashed and deleted it all, even though I had saved it.

So...fourth time's the charm?

Working full summer at camp was a dream come true. I knew the Lord would teach me lessons, I would grow, and I would be stretched outside my comfort zone. I think I knew this, but I didn't believe it. I didn't believe that He could truly do that. I'm not sure why I doubted Him...but somehow I wasn't prepared for the summer.

The first half went GREAT! I got Rollie Pollies (0-2 year olds), Work Crew (setting up the dining hall, doing dishes, etc.), June Bugs (3-4 year olds), Jellies (4th grade), and Work Crew for the first five weeks. I got to experience my first cabin outside of Cove Kids, and that was awesome!

It's funny though, because the longer I spent at camp before getting that cabin, I felt as if I deserved that cabin. I was frustrated, hurt, and upset that I continued to be put in Cove Kids. But, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

You see, after getting hired as a counselor this summer, I was extremely excited to experience camp outside of that building, because I thought that was where I would best be used. I thought that elementary aged kiddos would be MY age that I just clicked with. After all, babies are pretty hard to have an intentional conversation with.

Do not get me wrong, I LOVED having a cabin. I loved getting to spend intentional time with them one on one, getting to lead a Bible Study, and getting to hear how the Lord moved in their lives at camp. But, I quickly learned that I wasn't suited for having a cabin as much as I would have thought. I found myself missing the Cove Kids building. I found myself missing the ministry of Cove Kids. I found myself missing Cove Kids, and that was an interesting discovery.

So, second half of the summer...

I got Impact (7th-8th grade), Seahorses (5th grade), a confusing week, Work Crew, and Wild Kids (5-6 year olds). This half was seriously the hardest five weeks of my life.

I know I have a tendency to be over-dramatic, but, man oh man, this is completely true.

It tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:15 that "I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls". This was a cry of our staff's heart this summer. We wanted to be spent for the souls of our campers. After all, the Gospel is worth it.

Second half, I was spent for souls. Week 6, I spent any free time that I wasn't with campers crying, praying, and reading Scripture over my girls. I was so heartbroken for their struggles, their stories, and their lives. I learned the importance of fervent prayer for the desires of your heart. By the end of the week, those prayers weren't answered as I thought they would be, but in a sweet, hidden, quiet way. Impact wasn't the age for me either...I loved my girls hard, but it didn't click. Maybe it was the large amount of sports involved, but maybe it was because the Lord was saving my heart for a specific group of campers.

Coming off of that week, I got to springboard into Week 7, which is the week I went as a camper. I was excited to see families that I hadn't even spoken to in five years and reconnect with them. A lot happened this week, and I learned how to cling to Scripture. In Jeremiah 1:9, "Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth." 

I memorized several verses throughout this week, because that's a discipline that I have realized is missing from my life. I'm learning how important the Word is and that we are beyond blessed to live in a country that allows us to own a Bible legally. However, if that is taken away from us, how much Scripture would I be able to remember? I didn't like my answer before summer, and, frankly, I don't like my answer now. I have a desire to know more of His Word.

Friday of Week 7, during the family dodgeball tournament, I got hurt. I was running after a ball, leaned down to pick it up, stood up, and was in immediate pain. My right knee was killing me. I went to the nurse, scheduled a doctor's appointment for the next morning, and continued on. I knew something was wrong. It was more pain than I have ever been in before. 

After I went to the doctor, camp looked different. I was put on crutches, put in an immobilizing brace, and told to stay that way for all of Week 8. I had been assigned, before my injury, to be in June Bugs again!! I was extremely excited, though I knew in the back of my mind that there was absolutely no way I would be able to be an effective counselor whilst on crutches. After Sunday night and all of Monday in June Bugs, I was switched to work in the camp store. 

What a sweet week of lessons.

I had memorized three verses during Week 7, and I clung to them during my time in the store. First, I memorized Hebrews 4:15-16, which says "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Second, I memorized 1 Peter 4:7-11, which says "The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen." Finally, I memorized Matthew 6:24-36, which says ^"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Knowing that Jesus had been tempted in every way I had been, I was able to choose joy and choose to serve, despite the desire to choose myself. I struggled with that choice throughout all of Week 8. After all, I was on crutches, and I wanted more than anything to not work and just sit. But, I got the absolute joy of working through it all! I LOVE the part of 1 Peter 4 that says to serve by the strength God supplies. Week 8 marked 10 weeks of being at camp, and I was exhausted. I had no strength left, and I needed to serve on His strength ALONE. Further, I had a lot of doctor's appointments from the moment I got hurt until now (a total of six!!). I had a lot to be anxious about, but I knew that worrying wouldn't add a single hour to my life. I had to trust that He had a greater plan and that I needed only to seek His Kingdom. My worries about my injury wouldn't change my situation. I would be rowing a boat attached to the dock. I wouldn't get anywhere. 

There was nothing that I could contribute to camp. I couldn't walk, I couldn't carry a plate, I couldn't even sit in a chair properly! And, yet, the Lord still had a purpose in me being there. What an opportunity. I was still at camp! I was still serving families! It just looked a little different. 

But, wow what a humbling experience. There was nothing I could offer, and yet the Lord still chose me. I had no other choice than to worship Him, because there was literally nothing else I could do. 

Fast forward to Week 10. 

I'm not sure why, but the weekend leading up to Week 10, I was extremely homesick. I go to school 12 hours from home, so homesickness isn't a norm for me, especially when I saw my family two weeks before. It was really strange.

I had Wild Kids, which are the 5 and 6 year olds. This was the only age group that I could get at camp that I hadn't gotten yet, so I was excited! We had 18 children and four counselors. WHAT. A. JOY. It was such a great week! There were so many precious kiddos that loved hanging out with us counselors, and that was awesome! Those kids were like sponges; anything we said, they soaked up with all they had. Their understanding of our Bible Studies was unreal. They were wise beyond their years, absolutely crazy in the way they played, and were so intentional with each other. 

The Friday of week 10, I got the news that I had to go home to see my orthopedic back in Houston since my knee wasn't any better. I drove away from that doctor's appointment, told our secretary, called my mom, and then walked back over to my Wild Kiddos. They ran over to give me hugs because I had been gone for an hour. I cried. I didn't want to leave. As homesick as I was, I needed to stay. 

That's when I realized that this was the age group I had been waiting for. The program where I clicked. It was such a sweet week of connecting everything to the Gospel and remembering the simple joys of the Lord. 

I pulled myself together, as we had our CQ ceremony fairly quick after that. I gave all those kiddos their final hugs goodbye, thanked their parents for letting me invest in their children, and we shut the door. We laid on the ground, drinking La Croix, and rested. Then, the tears began to stream down my face. I wasn't ready to go. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay at camp.

The next day, I packed up my car, got an MRI, and headed home. I got home, cried some more, and tried to adjust to life outside of camp. 

I know that going home was what the Lord had planned. I know it is what was good for me. In Mark 5, Jesus heals a demon possessed man. Afterwards, this man begs Jesus to let him go with him. "But Jesus said, “No, go home to your family, and tell them everything the Lord has done for you and how merciful he has been." (verse 19). As badly as I wanted to stay right where the Lord changed me and molded me, I needed to move on. I needed to go home and speak of all that He has done for me. 

Being back at Auburn, I've been recognizing just how much He molded me. Man, sanctification is HARD. Character growth HURTS. It's not fun. But, the outcome is beautiful. 

At church on Sunday, we talked about spiritual gifts and how we are to use our gifts for ministry. I wanted to go back to camp. That was the most apparent ministry where my gifts could be used. But, it says in 1 Corinthians 12:31 "And yet, I will show you a still more excellent way." Auburn is the season of life I am in. Here is where my gifts can be used. I just need to follow where He leads.

Just the other night, I followed His call to speak to a person about something I saw in their life. I was scared out of my mind, but when the Holy Spirit moves, I act. This person reacted in such an amazing way. They were thankful, encouraging, and gracious. I just sat and cried. I cried for all the Lord had been teaching me, for the fact that the Lord had broken me, and the fact that He is just SO good. 

I know this post is long, and I am, honestly, not that sorry about it. I've been frantically typing for thirty minutes, and this is what I got. This is where I felt the Spirit leading.

I don't know where you might be in your life. I don't know if you're at the top of the roller coaster, having the best times of your life, but knowing that the drop is coming; knowing that you'll hit a low point soon. I don't know if it seems as if you will never have a happy season again. Frankly, I don't even know where I am on the roller coaster of life, and that's just great.

I will not be anxious about tomorrow. He cares for the birds and the lilies, will He not care for me? In whatever season you're in, allow Him to use you. Be His vessel. Trust Him. Cling to His Word. I will follow where He leads, because His plan for my life is better than I could ever imagine. Bring on the ups and downs. Bring on the loop-de-loops. Strap on the seatbelt for this roller coaster.

Thanks to camp for being the means of which I learned so many great lessons, but an even bigger thanks to Jesus for remaining the same, both in Tyler, TX and Auburn, AL and for teaching me those lessons.