It is well
For those who don't know, one of my dear friends from high school lost his life to cancer on Tuesday, October 11. He was only 19.
I met Neil my junior year of high school. He was an immediate friend. He worked backstage on the musical that year, Wizard of Oz. Because I had a lot of downtime, he and I got to have a lot of deep conversations. We talked about how great the Lord is, how He had changed each of our lives, and how we want to be used by Him in the future. Neil was the first person I had found at my school that was on a similar level as I was and that I could have a real conversation with. We grew closer as the years went on, discussing theology, friend issues, and ways we saw the Lord moving.
Once he was diagnosed with cancer, Neil clung tighter to the Lord. I can distinctly remember having a conversation with him after his diagnosis in which he told me "Caroline, I don't care that I have cancer. I'm more than ready to meet my Maker, and if that time is now, amen. If not, I'll glorify the Lord through it all." What a strange thing to say. The faith this young man exhibited overwhelmed me and still overwhelms me. He never asked me to pray for a miracle for himself, but only for his friends and family.
He was such an inspiration to me. He chose joy, never wanted the focus on himself, and encouraged me through every walk of life. A couple of months ago, we were texting about a very present issue in my life, and he responded with "We serve a big God just remember that!!". He was always so quick to remind me to keep my mind focused on things eternal, rather than on the temporary things.
When he was given the difficult prognosis that his cancer was now inoperable, I texted him to tell him I was praying for him, and asked how life was. His response was simple; "Life overall is pretty good aside from having to make the decision that I would go to hbu instead of sammyU!" Like, seriously?!?! This young man was told he wouldn't have much longer to live, and the hardest thing he was walking through was deciding he wasn't going to go to his dream school for the sake of his health.
I never once heard him complain in the years he battled cancer, other than the one time he complained that he was tired because he couldn't sleep much. He was walking through the most difficult thing that I could imagine, and he still chased after God's heart. I wish I could say that I do the same things when walking through my comparatively easy life. However, that is not the case. Neil inspired and continues to inspire me now. The pouring out of love from people of all ages, all locations, and all walks of life since his death has been incredible. Not only did he impact my life, but he impacted so many people's lives. His legacy is greater than I ever imagined.
To say that the past few days have been filled with tears would be an understatement. I go from feeling so full of sadness and grief because he is gone to being so full of joy because Neil is getting to experience Heaven right now.
That's why I write this blog post. Neil knew our Heavenly Father. He trusted Him completely. He loved Him and lived his life for Him. I can rejoice through the grief because of this. I have the secure hope that I will get the opportunity to see Neil again one day in Heaven.
I've been trying to worship through the pain and through the tears. Lately, I've only been able to get through one song without completely losing it. That song is "It is well".
The more that I sing that this situation is well with my soul, the more I am reminded that the Lord is still sovereign over this situation. The more I sing it, the more I believe it and trust in it. As much as I wish that Neil was still here, I rejoice that he is now standing before Christ, complete. He is not lacking in anything and is getting to experience eternal life. He is no longer in pain, no longer suffering, and is no longer battling cancer.
Neil Kerrigan, what a life, what a man, what a legacy. You are missed.
"When sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot Thou has taught me to say it is well with my soul."
I met Neil my junior year of high school. He was an immediate friend. He worked backstage on the musical that year, Wizard of Oz. Because I had a lot of downtime, he and I got to have a lot of deep conversations. We talked about how great the Lord is, how He had changed each of our lives, and how we want to be used by Him in the future. Neil was the first person I had found at my school that was on a similar level as I was and that I could have a real conversation with. We grew closer as the years went on, discussing theology, friend issues, and ways we saw the Lord moving.
Once he was diagnosed with cancer, Neil clung tighter to the Lord. I can distinctly remember having a conversation with him after his diagnosis in which he told me "Caroline, I don't care that I have cancer. I'm more than ready to meet my Maker, and if that time is now, amen. If not, I'll glorify the Lord through it all." What a strange thing to say. The faith this young man exhibited overwhelmed me and still overwhelms me. He never asked me to pray for a miracle for himself, but only for his friends and family.
He was such an inspiration to me. He chose joy, never wanted the focus on himself, and encouraged me through every walk of life. A couple of months ago, we were texting about a very present issue in my life, and he responded with "We serve a big God just remember that!!". He was always so quick to remind me to keep my mind focused on things eternal, rather than on the temporary things.
When he was given the difficult prognosis that his cancer was now inoperable, I texted him to tell him I was praying for him, and asked how life was. His response was simple; "Life overall is pretty good aside from having to make the decision that I would go to hbu instead of sammyU!" Like, seriously?!?! This young man was told he wouldn't have much longer to live, and the hardest thing he was walking through was deciding he wasn't going to go to his dream school for the sake of his health.
I never once heard him complain in the years he battled cancer, other than the one time he complained that he was tired because he couldn't sleep much. He was walking through the most difficult thing that I could imagine, and he still chased after God's heart. I wish I could say that I do the same things when walking through my comparatively easy life. However, that is not the case. Neil inspired and continues to inspire me now. The pouring out of love from people of all ages, all locations, and all walks of life since his death has been incredible. Not only did he impact my life, but he impacted so many people's lives. His legacy is greater than I ever imagined.
To say that the past few days have been filled with tears would be an understatement. I go from feeling so full of sadness and grief because he is gone to being so full of joy because Neil is getting to experience Heaven right now.
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| I imagine he is throwing more dance parties and experiencing so much joy in Heaven. |
I've been trying to worship through the pain and through the tears. Lately, I've only been able to get through one song without completely losing it. That song is "It is well".
The more that I sing that this situation is well with my soul, the more I am reminded that the Lord is still sovereign over this situation. The more I sing it, the more I believe it and trust in it. As much as I wish that Neil was still here, I rejoice that he is now standing before Christ, complete. He is not lacking in anything and is getting to experience eternal life. He is no longer in pain, no longer suffering, and is no longer battling cancer.
Neil Kerrigan, what a life, what a man, what a legacy. You are missed.
"When sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot Thou has taught me to say it is well with my soul."
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